Painting Edvard Munch, my favorite artist.

Leave Love, leave me be. I can see now, I can see the end. Our time together was incandescent and epigrammatic. Our time together, merely stolen pieces of a promise to another, we will never be. You are not my future, I am not yours. Close the door, you are not here no more. I thank you for these precious moments, these glimpses into you. God!!!… How you make me laugh! God!!! The passion you have awakened! Long ago I gave up hope, I gave up wishing. I convinced myself HE didn’t exist. Then there you were. Awake, awake my heart did awake! You my dear friend are my reflection, I my dear friend, your reflection. The past became our vicious enemy. The present, our weary ally and the future was never ours to believe in. I open myself to you to reveal such pain, a pain felt from loving in vain. Harsh cruel words have we two shared, nothing, oh nothing, was left to be spared! In the midst of everything, I truly seen you. The beautiful, mystical, special qualities that make you, well you. I thank you for showing me a glimpse of you. I curse you for leaving me blue. I love the man inside of you. I hate the reasons you told me to go. My heart is hurting! My mind is reeling! I no longer want to feel this feeling! How crazy is this, I hurt and need comfort, and the only person I want to talk to is you. How can this be, how can it be? The only person to heal this, is the one that wishes me not to be. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye to you. Goodbye to the wonderful times, goodbye to all the heat of the moment passionate times. I will leave you be. I will leave you be. Do I say this to burn into my mind, or to show you surely i can leave you behind? I no longer will talk to you, I no longer will text with you, I no longer will look for you.  I take from my time with you a knowledge and hope of a dream come true. I know now I will someday find love. I know that somewhere out there is a love to stand with me through time. I know now these things will be mine. I have you to thank for that. You have helped me to see the things within me which I can change and make better, for the man that will someday capture this heart for everafter. For the one that I will share my life and laughter. Thank you friend, thank you. These things I say truly are true, and someday I will believe this too. I will move on, I will stay strong. Every time the urge for you comes to me, I will put on a mask for all to see. I will pretend you were a dream, a picture perfect, imperfect dream; I will pretend we never met. I will pretend I don’t feel regret. I will pretend until I am stronger and I want you  no longer. I will pretend… until even I believe.

Painting by Edvard Munch

With a single word you crush me. The callous way you throw me away. The hurtful words you choose when it is me you wish to lose? How can I stay? How can I continue on, when you my love wish me gone? I try, oh my love I try, to show you in every way it is you I cannot deny. My soul is in agony. My soul cries. Only you can lift me high. Try, try, try to deny. You work so hard to disprove my cry, yet the simple truth is yours, which your soul cannot pass by. I am yours; I have been since our first hello. I am yours since our last goodbye. I cannot leave you. I cannot deny the very breathe you have breathed into this dying soul.  My mind tells me to go, just say to hell with you. My body cries out for your physical love. My soul is empty and in need of you. LIAR, LIAR!!! With each of your cruel accusations, my soul is broken. With each accusation my love is denied. I have tried, I have tried! Yet you tell me I have lied! With a heavy heart and a turbulent soul, I know now I must go, go away from him, whom my very heart doth beat. Oh the pain! Oh the anguish! Oh the senseless loss! I mourn for you. I mourn for me. I mourn for us. Each time you have whispered these cruel nothings, you have crushed me, the very essence of you. Simplicity, simplicity of love, can it all just be that simple?  Would you allow it to be so simple, so cut and dry? To you whom my heart beats, to you whom I dare not cheat. Open your eyes look beyond these so called lies; look into my eyes, into the depths of this soul. Look at me! Look at me! Damn you! Damn me! Can you see my love I do not want to go? Away from him, whom I have grown accustom, away to wander, to wander alone. Tell me my darling, tell me to stay! Tell me not to go away! Show me a sign, a sign to know, yes, yes you are mine. Stop the brutal coldness from moving in; stop the harsh words. With a single word… you have crushed me.

 

This wonderful work of art was painted by Edvard Munch in the late 1800′s.

I look about me and ponder one simple question; why not me? Is the truth so plain to see, that there, yes right there it is… in front of me? There is a certain amount of doubt inside, which causes the truth to hide. Is it my internal mechanism? Fight or flight, or some other wise devise my mind did comprise? Am I preordained to remain unchained? My heart cries out for you, for he that can answer the cries of my soul, unto his. I roam alone here. Are you searching for me? Come hither darling; come here hither my darling dear. Why! Why? Why won’t these words stream out to reflect this turbulent uproar inside my being?  When two people meet there can be such perfect fusion, both parties are left in complete confusion. I have seen into your soul! In the depths of you, I dwell. You are the very perfect reflection to my own perception. I reach my hand into the distance across space and time, reach out for me my love, and let us draw nigh unto one another. Let us mix into the atmosphere together, our perpetual souls collide. Be the rhyme to my reason; let our love reach beyond any season. Come frolic in this lush valley of love, let us fly free as a dove across the heavens. I have seen the promise shine through for me and you, my love! Oh my love these words are true! If only you will allow us to be free! There is a great love, you will see. Why not me, why not you, why not us?  Is it not time? Is it not the place? If so tell me when is it the time, when is it the place? For unto every person there is a time and place to be born, so why not a time and place for us, for our love?  I offer you true acceptance, unconditional love. I offer to you the very essence of me. Across time I have cried to you, across space I have yearned for you. Join with me, mesh with me, come groove baby, groove with me. Fall into me, let me envelope you in this love and passion created for only you. You my love are my destiny, as I am yours for eternity.  I ponder this simple question: why not we?

A happy New Year! Grant that I

 May bring no tear to any eye,

When this New Year in time shall end,

Let it be said I have played the friend,

Have lived and loved and labored here,

And made of it a happy year.

~Edgar Guest

With the onset of the New Year I, along with many, have searched deep within my soul.

I have looked back on the past year, sadness, angst; despair has touched my year far too often.

Yes, last year was also filled with the bright rays of laughter, happiness, and accomplishment.

But as I look to the days that now lay ahead, I am determined more than ever to take the

Words of Edgar Guest and absorb them into my life. May I bring no tear to any eyes, especially my

Own, may I at every opportunity be the best person and confidant to my friends and loved ones,

May I live each moment to the fullest of all potential, May I love to the fullest scope gifted for this

Heart, I pray that love will reach to all persons I come upon, and may every labor of mine hands and

Mind be an even superior realization than the preceding work. But most of all may I look back at this

Year that has begun, as a year that I could make a difference whether great or small… and this hope, this Prayer…

extends to you all.

Pet peeves are a part of life. Some people allow these little things to consume their lives. I fully admit at times I find it very hard to overlook these minuscule issues. I believe part of growing up and becoming an adult is learning how to overcome life’s little obstacles. There is no better feeling than overcoming and empowering ones self. I personally have struggled recently with trying to overcome other people’s ignorance, while I freely admit, my first raw initial reaction was to blow my top. In the end, I let a more mature reaction surface. Which allowed me to see my growth and  celebrate a victory over my more carnal self. Even better than that for that one moment in time… I won over the ignorance that tried to over take me.

My opinion of the week is…. I have no opinion! I am just exhausted! I am fed up to the hilt with the Election 08 and cannot wait until it is over. I am tired of exam after exam… seems I am spending all my time and energy fretting over this exam or that exam. I am tired of ignorant small minded neighbors that constantly nitpick every chance they get. Do they not understand that everyone is entitled to a good, quality life, no matter their skin color, marital status, or number of children? How many times have I wanted to indulge the slightly wicked thoughts? Putting a paper bag full of dog sh*t on their doorstep and setting flame to the bag. The list goes on and on, even if I just basically admit to you today I relish these slightly wicked thoughts. The couple of minutes of laughter are a welcome retreat. After a LONG weekend of kids and Halloween I find myself sitting here at the keyboard worn out. I feel as though I have been robbed of the down time and refreshment I seek in the solace of the weekend. I have had thirteen kids at my house and have had no time to refuel. So yippee freaking skippy I find yet another Monday knocking at my door, knocking so loudly that I am fully aware there is no escape, no question about whether or not to answer the door. Like it or not Monday must be let in and greeted. So very begrudgingly I will do my Sunday night rituals, and prepare for the dawn of this new week, that I am fully unprepared for. So there it is I have only one opinion for this past week, and that is I am too tired to care enough to have an opinion.

I love argument, I love debate. I don’t expect anyone to just sit there and agree with me, that’s not their job.

Margaret Thatcher                        

   In no specific order……..

1. Parenting                          
2. Love                                  
3. Philosophy 
4. War
5. Music
6. Climate Change (a new favorite one)
7. Women’s Rights
8. A Mish Mosh of Subjects (sorta like Grandma’s secret recipe a lil of this and a lil of that)                      
9. Religion
10. Politics (a new favorite of mine) 

I have always been a person that enjoys a good debate. Debates help people to discover new ideas on a particular topic, as well as educate people in new ideas and prospective concerning the topic being debated. My strengths in debates are: I have a clear, clever mind, and quick wit, I also posses the ability to be open minded about other people’s opinions. I can be very passionate about my opinions and beliefs. Hmmm my weaknesses… wow it is much harder to admit those! I would say one of my weaknesses is my need to have my voice heard, so at times I can become rather loud and boisterous. On the other hand there are times when it is hard for me to find my voice and speak out the knowledge I hold within myself. The passion that I find to be strength at times can be a double edged sword. I become so enwrapped in my passion I can sometimes forget the people around me, and forget to have apathy to my fellow debater’s points of view. I also have a very, very, low tolerance for ignorance. I find that often I cannot sit back and enjoy the other person’s point of view when it borders on sheer stupidity. I also have this overwhelming urge at times to be more dominant in a debate of words, which cannot be found to be productive is most situations. But overall I enjoy a sparring of words… what can I say, one never knows how truly satisfying, and how intellectually stimulating a good well spoken debate can be, until they hop out of the safety of the sidelines and into the great frying pan of debate. I am someone who encourages debate. Debating is a great way to help people find their voice. When debate is done correctly it can also be a powerful tool in educating and informing people. So don’t be afraid to engage in debate. As our Professor constantly reminds us….SIN BOLDLY!  DON’T BE AFRAID TO LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD!

So much unrest in the world today, how can we not fix our eyes on the heavens above and cry out for God’s perfect love. As I sit here in my chaise lounge, with my eyes transfixed on the computer screen, I witness the descent of the world to its knees. Empires are crumbling east to west, north to south. I surf the web through its various highways and read of destruction on every level and wonder do I dare utter the truths I know within the depths of my heart for thoughts of alienation and ridicule fill my inner mind. For you see I know the simple truth of why this world is ablaze. No I do not claim to be a wise person that can see divine things; no I am just a simple woman that believes in the truth of the Father above. Yes I know many will doubt and many will shun the things I am to say… but I tell you surely I must speak out this day. Take heed that ye are not deceived, for the time draweth near. Inhabitants of the earth heed the signs of the times… nations rise against nations, there are wars and rumors of wars, there are earthquakes, floods and famines in diverse places. There shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars, and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring; men’s hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken. Many look at people as the cause of such reasons, many blame technology for the shift of seasons. What if I just rise above and tell you this is not meant for those who love? Our world was created with such love and care, yet our world is being razed with each simple tear. How can we not drop to our knees and tell our Father it is you whom I want to please? Come closer, sit closer please, I need your full attention, for this comes without ease. There will come a time when the world and her inhabitants will all feel the unease, many more trials and tribulations shall follow… many shall become as a dead snail dry and hollow. Take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting, and drunkenness, and cares of this life, and so that day come upon you unawares. Humankind has become so shallow in our pursuits of self; many have fallen on their faces in many disgraces. What shall become of our races so far removed from His graces? There is only one true assurance I can give you in these times of peril and that is the just assurance there is a living, loving God and His greatest wish… that none should perish. I will not tell you the outcome is good, for this world we have loved from childhood, but I can tell you there is a calm in these perilous times, if ye seek ye shall find, a love and protection that is surely divine. No I am not some loony holy roller, nor a bible beating elite; no I am simply a woman that can no longer be discreet. I must tell all that I meet, there is a love and a safe harbor for us to greet, if only we could see there is a Father who art in heaven that walks on a golden street. Come gather round let us be as our Father intended, let us be that brave together through this stormy weather. I tell you friend as this world comes to an end there is a divine grace to be found if we all could just listen for that sound, of the truth awakening, to the dawn breaking and not ignore the Father’s harkening for his children to draw nigh… please friend don’t let His call pass you by.